Let me be clear. I am not a saint. I am not a money guru. And I don’t have my shit together. I am a nervous, twitchy grown-up with problems both real and imagined.
I will start at the very beginning. That’s a very good place to start, so the song says. I’ve said before, in previous writing, that money was not a strong point in my upbringing. It wasn’t until I was an adult and a single parent of four that it became a thing. And even then, it wasn’t a huge obstacle. If I had it, I would have spent it. If I didn’t, then we did without.
Then along came marriage and a man with it. To be honest, I didn’t know how to talk about money. I never thought to ask about how much we had collectively or individually. We did not discuss how we each approached paying bills relative to what the house or the kids needed. I didn’t know how to express my feelings on certain matters, and I didn’t think I needed to.
I thought he was a take-charge and in-control person because he was older and had that way about him. And he thought the same of me. We were both very wrong.
Money-wise, we are incompatible. I’m a spender, and he is a saver. Now honestly, I’m not a spender like I buy everything I see, or I’ve never seen a sale I didn’t like. I’m more like if I need it or have to have it, I’m getting it, damn the cost.
He’s a saver. For him to spend, it has to be a do-or-die situation, and even then, it’s iffy.
Our approaches are as different as the moon and the sun. But over the years and the tears, we have made it work. I leave him to his, and he leaves me to mine.
Which is what I want to talk about. My journey. My testimony of going from nothing to something. I’m happy with my progress and my optimism about the future.
To put it simply, I accrued a lot of debt, trying to pretend like I had it together even when my world was crumbling beneath my feet.
At the beginning, I wasn’t bringing in enough money. I was working a minimum wage job and living in a middle-class neighborhood. Pretty soon into it, I was borrowing from online loan companies and check cashing houses. I wasn’t paying bills on time, and I had a ton of late fees. Bill collectors were hounding me day and night. I was robbing Peter to pay Paul every pay week. It felt like it went on for an eternity, but actually it was more like four to five years.
Since my problems actually came from overdue bills and loans, it was a simple but humbling fix. Shout-out to a coworker who loaned me the money to pay off one of my outstanding loans. Once I had that first one paid off, I cut them off and never went to them again. Next, I called each of the remaining ones that I could get in touch with and asked what the charge-off amount was. I then paid them off one at a time over the next few years. At the same time, I got a better-paying job and began paying cash for everything. Meanwhile, I got each of my true bills(utilities and household) under control, by paying each in-full every month. This took a little over a year to accomplish and to get into the habit of doing it regularly.
With each passing month, I started to see more of my money, and in four months, I actually had my paycheck back. Then, because I was doing well, I started giving myself treats. For example, if I paid all the bills, bought a month’s worth of groceries, and had a full tank of gas, I would treat myself to lunch or a small personal item. When I finally reached the point of actually having money in the bank, I looked back on all my accomplishments and wanted to do more.
Eventually, I added a savings account, and recently, I opened a money market fund at a credit union. I’m happy, I feel confident in my approach, and it works for me.
I talk about budgeting and how to manage your finances for a reason. Everyone has a story; this is mine. Maybe this will help you understand, or maybe it won’t. But it should absolutely give you hope and knowledge that you are not alone. I’m here and so are others. We are walking this path together, stopping, chatting, and giving encouragement along the way.
Til next time.
Elaine Stubbs 
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